A girlfriend should be a potential mate for life. If you know the person youre with isnt someone you can see having a relationship with you need to break it off. Dont keep her around while you look for better. She is a person, not a car that you are going to keep using until you find a better one. Whether it is an annoying little habit that drives you crazy or something hard to overcome, like deep personal beliefs that you dont see eye to eye on, break up and move on. Keep in mind no one is perfect, including you, so dont become so critical that you are looking for any reason to break up.
When dating dont start anything you arent willing to maintain for the duration of the relationship. If you buy elaborate gifts and drive across town everyday during lunch just to see her make sure you are willing to do that long-term in some capacity. One problem couples have after marriage is that over time the well thought-out cards and flowers are replaced with the box of cheap chocolate and last minute card from a convenience store. Much like the business owner who hands out Christmas bonuses to his employees in the first couple years you better be willing to maintain that giving or you will have someone who is disappointed once it stops. It doesnt mean you start out being a cheapskate but before you spend a good chunk of your salary on a present you need to remember that youre setting the bar and anything in the future and anything that doesnt meet that maybe a letdown. Besides, if she wont like you because she didnt get an expensive present then she isnt a good person and you need to find another.
Fixer uppers are for houses not women. Dont think you can fix a flawed person. Love and emotions are strange and often make no sense. If you are dating awoman that doesnt have the courtesy to call you back, changes plans at the last second with little regard to you, or has some illegal bad habits, dont think you can win her over and change her. Move on and find the person that wont play games or have that destructive behavior. People at their core rarely change and almost never change when they arent held accountable. And anyone that puts up with her behavior is being an enabler. If youve struggled with alcohol or drugs your sobriety should be of upmost importance and you need to watch who you are around even if shes beautiful.
Never cheat on a woman and never allow cheating. This is a one-strike youre out situation. There are couples who claim their love grew stronger after cheating.and who knows maybe it did, but those are the rare exceptions to the rule. If it is even true. Loyalty is a must from you and her. Even flirting and private lunches with a male friend are not to be tolerated and should be stopped immediately. Once she knows what you expect from her she has the choice of changing or losing you. This is black and white.
Dont live together unless you are married. Living together to see how it will work out is BS. You dont need to move in with someone to know what theyre like. Playing house will do nothing but cheapen the relationship and create situations that will cause problems both financially and personally. Even if you live in an expensive area where having roommates is necessary you need to live with other men or find a place cheap enough that you can afford.
Dont get engaged until youve dated for a minimum of one year. When you do get engaged you should marry within one year. Engagements that are four and five years out are ridiculous and diminish the special meaning of the ceremony. If you are both in college and have years to go before you finish and want to marry after you both graduate then just keep dating and wait until graduation nears to announce the engagement. If you date for four years then get engaged people are excited for you and admire you. If you are engaged for four years when invitations finally go out for the wedding there is an about time attitude instead of happiness from friends and relatives. And if youve been living together for years while engaged most people could really care less about the wedding other than the parents. Making a wedding special isnt about lavish decorations or limos it is about two people taking vows in front of their families with God as their witness to love and care for each other.
When dating a woman that was previously married proceed with caution. Maybe she is a great person who just happened to be unlucky or chose the wrong guy the first time but dont automatically assume the latter. The older you get the more likely it will be that you are dating a woman who was previously married, and while that by no means makes her an automatic no, it does mean you should proceed with an extra amount of caution.
If you are dating a woman with children that had them out of wedlock you need to proceed with a truck-load of caution. A woman having children out of wedlock is a problem waiting to happen. Most women with children that are single are looking for someone to hitch their wagon to. They are often looking for someone to help ease their financial and parental situation; in other words a babysitter that provides money instead of costing money. If you chose to date a woman in this situation you need to not even talk about getting engaged for over a year no matter how good it is going. You need to not provide financial support while dating. Paying for dinner, babysitter and a movie is one thing but dont start paying her bills or helping with rent. You can help her in other ways like watching the kids so she can take care of errands or working on items for her around the house so she doesnt have to hire someone but dont hand money directly to her.
When it comes to her children if you cant visualize yourself adopting her children and taking care of them as your own for the rest of your life you need to end the relationship and move on. Whatever you do never blame her children. Never blame children on adult matters; that is too easy of an out and only a weak man would blame a child and lay that guilt on them.
A woman with children from a previous marriage is a package deal. You arent just dating her. Her kids are part of her and her ex-husband or boyfriend depending on the circumstances so you need to take that into consideration. If the children are grown it is a much smaller consideration but if theyre minors you have to ask yourself if you want to raise them and call them your own. If the answer is no then you shouldntdate the woman let alone marry her.
Unless you want an adult dependent dont date women that are helpless. A woman that has no goals, dreams, or interests is one that is going to be on the edge of dissatisfaction and not know why. A woman that cant function without you isadependent not a spouse. Be careful when dating the woman that cant function without help or is easily led in any direction. This is another reason to wait at least a year before considering marriage. The woman that needs you for her happiness and to make her life complete is a huge ego boost in the beginning because she makes you feel like a king because she needs you so bad but that happiness is like a fire that needs to be constantly fed. Later on in the relationship when she is looking to you for her happinessyou will feel smothered.
Modern society has mistakenly portrayed stay at home moms from previous generations as weak little servants to their familys. Truth was most women from generations past worked harder and were as mentally tough as any woman with a corner office and a pant-suit. Dont mistake the woman that says she wants to stay at home and raise a family as a weak woman.
Dating the corner office pant suit woman is another challenge altogether. The first problem with these women is that they may expect the man to be the at-home anchor half of the marriage so they can pursue their career interests putting themselves first and everyone else second. They can also tend to look down at the man who isnt keeping up with them career wise. There is nothing wrong with the career driven woman, it just depends on how you are with it. This is why self-evaluation is so important. If you can handle possibly putting your career on hold to focus on raising the kids because her career path is progressing quicker than yours than dating and marrying the career woman is fine. If your ego is going to be bruised and your worth as a man be challenged theres nothing wrong with that you just owe it to be honest with yourself and her before things get too far down the road.